Now clicker training's quite the fad.
Results for some are not too bad.
The concept stemmed from Pavlov's hound
Responding to some special sound.
The dog would start to salivate
Before he got the food he ate.
The modern click does much the same.
Enhancing our dog-training game
By causing Fido's hopes to raise--
Anticipating treats or praise.
Sometimes you click to no avail,
And other methods also fail.
No matter how you plead or shout,
Sometimes the dog just won't put out
When asked to sit or heel or stay,
Thus giving you a rotten day.
It makes you feel quite like a fool,
And then you start to lose your cool.
But if other methods fail for you,
There's something else that you can do.
Try "liquor training," that's its name,
To help you with your dog-sport game.
"How does this method work?" you ask.
Well, first you get a little flask,
Containing gin or other booze
Of any kind that you may choose.
Each time your dog decides to goof,
You take a sip of 80 proof.
It helps the handler to relax
And minimize the stress attacks.
When the handler's mood is more at ease,
The dog may sometimes try to please,
Or, then again may still refuse
To mind his training P's and Q's.
But whether foul results or fair
When you liquor train -- you just don't care!